A Triumphant Return

Sound the horns, ready the fanfare and contact your local Council to prepare a ticker-tape parade, because I'm back.
They said I'd never be heard from again, they said I was a washed up hasbeen who smelt faintly of urine, that the odds were 4:1 that I'd be found dead in a ditch, but being the resiliant young whipper-snapper that I am, I endured.

I'm not going to lie to you, things were sketchy there for a little while. I had to go an indefinate hiatus - creative differences, you see. But after some time apart, me and the blog realised that maybe we needed each other. There was a hole that could not be filled by alcohol, read meat, prostitutes or collectible plates. So we got to talking, and admittedly it was a very one-sided conversation; a blog on it's own is not the greatest wordsmith. We managed to reconcile our differences and smooth things out, because we realised it was unfair to the rest of the world to deprive them of my nonsensical ramblings. They people have a right to read what I say, stare blankly at their screens and utter to themselves, "What the fuck is he talking about?" Just as I have the right to say to those people, "Screw you, you stupid bastards." Because the internet is all about the love. And not the angry, sweaty, sticky porno kind. Although, it is also very much about that also. That's commerce, people!

But the time out of the prying eyes of the public did me well. It gave me the time to sit back and take stock of my life. I didn't actually do that, but the time was there if I'd ever wanted to. Stocktake just isn't my thing though.
Just when I thought that all was lost and I was going to have to enter myself into the lucrative world of mail-order brides - where my fair skin and petite size would see me quickly purchased by a strict, loveless European Baron - I managed to find employment. Finally I am a working boy, and for once not in the prostitution sense. Take that school guidence counsellor!! (on a side note, how pointless is that job?)
It certainly makes you feel much less useless, not to mention freeing up a lot of time that was previously spent writing a constant stream of job applications. Maybe now I can get back to writing things that involve somewhat more creativity and less repetition (of course, it is still very likely I will recycle jokes, because I'm a conservationist you see). And for those of you sitting on the edge of your seats wondering what this job is - first of all, sit properly, that can't be any good for your back, and secondly, I am what those one the street call a "Television Captioner". I'd elaborate, but I'd much prefer to be mysterious (read: lazy and annoying).

I shall now leave you, because I don't want to start giving you too much Scott at once. Your pants would probably explode. But rest assured, I'm back and as handsome as I ever was - which is a good or bad thing, depending on how handsome I was before. Tell your friends! I don't have many of my own.