The dangers of phenanigib

Phenanigib (n): The act of committing shenanigans while intoxicated.

Everyone loves to have a social drink or two, or three, or several dozen. Or at least most people do, I suppose recovering alcoholics probably wouldn't (or maybe they'd just enjoy it a little too much). Regardless, you must take heed of my warnings my friends, as I have come to warn you of the consequences of when phenanigib goes wrong.
Now I wholeheartedly respect phenanigib, and it can be a thoroughly enjoyable part of any drunken evening, but if an evening leads to entirely unexpected and impromptu phenanigib the results can be disastrous. So sit down in front of the campfire and prepare your marshmallows and various small mammals for roasting, as I tell you a cautionary tale for the ages...

The story begins on a fine Saturday just passed, where a plan to head up to the Sunshine Coast for some dinner on the beach with my mate, his girlfriend and a couple of her friends was in place. Sounds splendid doesn't it? Beach & food, what a combination. We also thought that we might split a six-pack of beers between us. Still sounding pretty good isn't it? A few relaxing beers and just hanging out on a beach listening to the sound of the ocean, the makings of a top evening. All we had to do was meet up with another one of our mates beforehand as he was to come along also. Now here's where the tide began to turn. Upon meeting him at his work, a workmate of his was added to our group also, and suddenly the idea of getting a six-pack suddenly changed to "how 'bout we split a carton?" Somehow none of us saw anything illogical in that concept, so a pilgrimage to a bottle shop was made and the money-for-beer transaction was done. Now, with all of us males now drinking it was left to the girls to drive, one of them behind the wheel of my mates car. What were we thinking to have these girls now chauffering us when these beer drinking plans had arisen out of nowhere? Well I think it's obvious that we weren't, the beer was already affecting our brains without even needing to ingest any of it.

So we ventured to the beach, we ate our food, and we consumed our beers (probably too quickly for anyone's own good). By the end of this the sun had set and us mere males had reached a state of mild intoxication. Now this is the portion of the story where it would have been just splendid if someone, anyone, had been willing to pipe up with an "ok, let's head home now", but sadly it seemed that kind of rational decision making was beyond any of us. Instead we decided to head to my mates house on the coast to hang out for a while. This would have been a fine end to the night if not for the next thing, which sealed the fates of all involved. With the two cars driving off, one full of the three guys besides myself and my mates girlfriend, the second with me and the other two girls. Then can number one turned off the road, and it dawned on me immediately where it was going. As the girls questioned "where are they going?" all I could respond with was "oh dear god, they're going to the bottle shop to get another carton." It was all over from there. Sure we should have been about to stop ourselves, but our already alcohol-induced lack of self control combined with what horrible influences we are on each other when together pretty much made that an impossibility.
From this point on more alcohol was consumed, and much phenanigib ensued, and listing it all would take more time than I have. It's not to say we did anything particularly bad, it was just your typical stupid drunken antics. But if I put myself in the position of 3 sober girls, I'm almost certain they become far more annoying. Especially when - although everytime we asked they denied it - I have a feeling they wanted to be gone (and i think they had envisioned their night ending in some kind of girls' night for them). The one defence I can mount is that we repeatedly said to them "Do you want to leave? Just say the word and we're out of here. And remember, give the honest answer, not the polite answer that you think we want to hear." And we meant it too. There's nothing more annoying than asking a girl something looking for an honest answer only to receive whatever answer they think you want (which usually later ends in the female getting mad at you at a later point for not being able to read her mind). In fact if there was ever any relationship advice I could give to a girl, it would be to not do that.

All in all though, apart from the fact that we caused 3 girls to most likely start plotting our deaths, or at least make voodoo dolls of us to be used as some form of supernatural retribution, we couldn't help but enjoy ourselves that night (and for the record my mates girlfriend claimed she wasn't mad at him that night and said she was sorry if it had seemed that way, but can you ever be sure if it's true?). That's not too say we didn't feel guilty about it the next morning. Oh dear god did we feel guilty. Quite frankly we found it horrifically amusing. If it was something that had happened to anyone else it would have just been a dose of good, old-fashioned hilarity. But as we were the stars of this terrible/comical farce, we were simultaneously laughing as we remember dodginess after dodginess, while at the same time being on the verge of breaking down at what horrible people we were. That's the thing with phenanigib though, while the morning after may bring interesting developments, it is always fun at the time. Always.

And my apologies do go out to the girls, who I am currently hiding from under the safety of my bed, armed with nothing more than a loaf of bread (I have no clue on how to defend myself). Hahaha, man how they must hate us...