Tap dancing into oblivion

Gene Kelly did it in the rain, it helped the Von-Trapps survive Word War II, and gang warfare on the west-side streets of New York City was plagued with it. So if it's good enough for them it should be good enough for me. That's right: I wish my life was a musical.

Growing up in a childhood filled with Disney's animated musicals, the Genie from Aladdin was right, I had never had a friend like him. But I'll be damned if I didn't want one. It had nothing to do with his ability to grant wished or the plethora of PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS he possessed, and everything to do with his habit of randomly breaking into over-the-top musical numbers filled with fireworks, wild animals and chorus lines. That is exactly what I wanted my life to be like, but sadly, being the uncoordinated child I was, all my attempts at breaking into impromptu song and dance numbers just ended in me falling over, hitting my head on the pool table and retreating to my bedroom in tears.

Where did it all go wrong? Why have I been unable to live a life where spontaneous dance routines breaking out on street corners and shopping malls are a common occurence, and I narrate my life's events through song? The Scarecrow didn't have a brain and The Tin Man didn't have a heart, yet they managed it fine. I have both, so shouldn't my life be twice as musical as theirs?

I blame this lack of a melody-infused existence on how I was raised. I was never fortunate enough to have a nanny float to my door clutching her umbrella and sing to me about then benifits of mixing sugar with your medicine. In fact, I never had a nanny at all. I was doomed from the beginning! Not to mention I had to endure a lifetime full of foul-tasting medicines.

Is it too late to start myself along a yellow brick road towards a musical life? I think not. I know that every person I pass on the street is just itching to break into the surprisingly well choreographed song and dance that somehow everybody knows, all they are waiting for is me to start things off. After all it is my life, they're just the backup. So I'll visit Chicago if I have to. I'll get myself some Cats and I'll start paying Rent. One way or another I'm going to start living the way I should be, and that's the Broadway. Now where's my top hat and cane?