People, the moment you have all been waiting for has arrived! It's time to put a stop to those pesky heart beats, develop a good case of rigor mortis and open up some of those good old-fashioned gangrenous flesh wounds. It is time for THE FIRST ANNUAL BRISBANE ZOMBIE WALK!!!
I know what you people are like. I know many of you sleep contently in your beds at night, your minds filled with dreams of living the glamourous zombie lifestyle: You shuffle mindlessly down the deserted road of a nameless suburban city as tumbleweeds and newspaper blow across your path, yet the decaying flesh peeling from your face remains oddly still. You chuckle to yourself inside your slightly functioning zombie mind, happy in the knowledge that you zombies do not conform to the mere pressures of north-westerly gale-force winds. Your zombie bretheren surround you as you continue along the road without direction, seeing as the earlier game of rock, paper, scissors had cause the loss of too many decomposed hands. Suddenly you here a noise from a nearby alleyway, and the scent of delicious human wafts into where you nose used to be before it fell off. You and your zombie clan turn to each other - the head falling off one who tried to pivot far to enthusiastically - and you moan and grunt directions at each other. After realising that none of you actually understand the meaning of the incoherent noises, you progress towards the alley anyway, just in time to see a small group cliched human stereotypes come racing out. You limp after the sprinting humans without quickening your plodding pace and, despite the protests made by the laws of physics, you continue to steadily gain on them. You get closer, closer to your goal of cracking open their skulls and feasting on the gooey mess inside. You are so close you can almost taste, and then...
...and then you wake up. Your dreams of undead happiness dashed by that cursed alarm clock. Yet the hunger for brains still lingers...You meander down the stairs, moaning as you wipe the sleep out of your eyes. Your significant other is already in the kitchen, and they smile at you as you enter, "you seemed to be enjoying the dream you were having an awful lot". Suddenly you are seeing them in a whole new light, and you cannot take your eyes off their head. You are inexplicably drawn to it, the thought of it's contents . They notice you staring and start feeling self conscious. "Oh, umm..." you struggle for a feeble cover story, "your hair looks nice this morning". The worried look is immediately replaced by another smile "Well, thankyou. Now what would you like for breakfast?" A grin creeps across your face as you pull a meat tenderiser out of the drawer.....
As I said, I know what you're all like, and you're creepy as all hell you cannibalistic bastards!! I'm most certainly not inviting you to any of my tupperware parties, that's for sure. But this zombie walk is for you twisted people to have your chance to get out that fancy zombie attire you've been saving for that special occasion and wander yourselves around the Brisbane CBD. The devouring of peoples brains is optional.
As for me, I am unsure if i will be participating. Being the perfectionist I am, the only way I would take part is if I was actually brutally slain and subsequently ressurected. It's called Method Acting, bitches!
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