1. Cars, and my lack of knowledge and interest in anything remotely associated with them. My car moves, it gets me from point A to any other letter of the alphabet I require getting to. How it achieves this marvel of modern science is completely irrelevant to me. There may be a group of athletic midgets running on wheels under my bonnet for all I know or care, although if that was the case I would probably be much more interested. It's not my fault that when anything relating to the topic is brought up in conversation it sends me spiralling towards a coma, it's a medical condition I swear. And all you car lovers out there, feel free to laugh at me when you drive past me weeping over the bonet of my broken down car on the side of the highway.
2. If you ever utter the phrase "howdy sportsfan", you can rest assured it wasn't directed at me. It's not that I don't like sports at all, but I only have a mild interest. I keep up with who wins in things like the cricket and footy, and I'll watch major matches like Origin and the Finals, but if I otherwise watch an entire match it is most likely because I've been immobilised by a hangover. I can guarantee I will never be the one in the crowd at the cricket drunk and sporting a painted on jersey. I mean I might be drunk, but I'd be the one arguing which Marvel comic characters would make up the best cricket team. I'm pathetically geeky like that.
3. I've watched Gilmore Girls, and I've enjoyed it.
4. I have absolutely no porn on my computer. Not only does that go against me being a manly man, but also an internet geek. Just where the hell do I fit in? Some kind of free range wildlife park maybe? It not like I haven't seen it, let's face it, if you've got the internet you can't avoid it. It just kinda freaks me out. It's mostly a combination of slimy and angry, and if i wanted to see a camera zoomed in that closely on a vagina I'd go watch a fibre-optic cervix exam. Do those things even exist? Anyways, the fact remains that I have better things to do with 30 gig of my hard drive space. Who needs that much porn anyway?
5. I have sat in a room and watched Dirty Dancing with 3 girls. The jury is still out, but it might be the most immasculating moment of my life. My penis is yet to forgive me for the extensive exposure to Patrick Swayze in pants so tight they defy the laws of physics.
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